Twilight Reimagined Enters the Twilight Zone

Life and Death: Twilight ReimaginedLife and Death: Twilight Reimagined by Stephenie Meyer
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I’m not going to even bother with a synopsis. Everyone knows this is a gender reversal of twilight. When I first heard the idea, I thought it was a horrible one, but then I reconsidered and thought maybe it could work if it was done right. It only took a few chapters for me to realize the rewrite was a disaster. But I soldiered on and read it until the bitter end – cringing all the way.

There were two major problems with this rewrite. First, Beau was not rewritten to act more male. Like another reviewer mentioned, it seemed like Meyers did a find and replace “Bella” with “Beau.” You now have a male character that acts like a female. Ugh. He’s clumsy, un-athletic, not even portrayed as remotely good-looking. Even if I could get past the fact that he acts like he’s in middle school, then you have the portrayal of Edythe to deal with. Frankly, she’s creepy. She treats Beau like a child. She’s worried that he’s cold, she’s worried that he’s not being safe, she’s worried that he might be hungry. At one point, she even buckles him into the harness seatbelt in Eleanor’s Jeep. Um…I’m pretty sure any 17-yr old boy can figure out how to buckle himself in a harness. Then she leans over and kisses him on the cheek? I was waiting for Beau to say, “Thanks, mom.” What’s worse, she undoes his harness for him when they arrive at their destination. At one point she says “Now, be a good boy.” Argh. I could go on from there with her hand to his forehead, to Beau grabbing a pullover before he leaves the house so that Edythe won’t worry about him getting cold. And I’m supposed to believe there is this inexplicable attraction going on here?

There is an alternate ending which does nothing to make up for the problems with the rest of the story. Trust me, by the ending you don’t care because you just can’t accept that there’s a romance between these two people. It doesn’t feel the same as Twilight, not even close. It’s a shame that Bella and Edward couldn’t just stay Bella and Edward. This version is too weird and too much like a ninety-year-old (Edythe’s real age) is in love with a twelve-year-old.

Revel in the fact that I’ve saved you from hours of reading and watching one of your favorite books be ruined forever with the reimagined Twilight. Not only that, but also the hours you would no doubt spend asking “Whyyyyyyyy?”

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